By Myself
by kitykazero15-01
Summary: This is a oneshot and Flames and reviews please.


**a/n: this is a oneshot and Ryoma died of lung cancer. Reviews and flames appriciated**

Summary: I feel that I am alone no one cares nor understand me, I only feel pain and misery, my heart feels empty and hurt, no one really cares about me no one really loves me, I don' t have real friends at all. Welcome to my world of misery and sorrow.

It was just another day at seigaku but something wasn't right. Morning practice went on but Ryoma didn't show up which made Oishi worried.

"Have you guys seen Echizen?" Oishi asked Ryoma's friends.

"Well, we saw him go to our classroom, and he seemed gloomy." Katchiro answered.

Class went by so fast that it was lunch time already and as usual Ryoma went to the rooftop to eat his lunch but something was different, instead of taking a nap he went back to the classroom which was strange.

Afternoon practice was going to start and Ryoma was the first one to enter and when the other regulars saw this they were shocked to see him early.

"Assemble." Tezuka commanded.

"We all no that the nationals are coming up, so practice hard." Coach Ryuzaki said.

**(A/N: I'm skipping to Ryoma's house)**

Ryoma was just lying on his bed thinking about his life when he decided to listen to a song in his Ipod

_By Myself by linkin park_

_What do I do to ignore them behind me?  
Do I follow my instincts blindly?  
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?  
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?  
Do I sit here and try to stand it?  
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?  
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,  
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?  
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin  
I make the right moves but I'm lost within  
I put on my daily facade but then  
I just end up getting hurt again  
By myself myself_

x2  
I ask why, but in my mind  
I find I can't rely on myself

Chorus:  
I can't hold on  
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin  
It's all too much to take in  
I can't hold on  
To anything watching everything spin  
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I  
Turn my back I'm defenseless  
And to go blindly seems senseless  
If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they'll  
Take from me 'till everything is gone  
If I let them go I'll be outdone  
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun  
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer  
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer  
by myself myself

x2  
I ask why, but in my mind  
I find I can't rely on myself

Chorus

How do you think I've lost so much  
I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch  
How do you expect... I will know what to do  
When all I know Is what you tell me to

x2  
Don't you know  
I can't tell you how to make it go  
No matter what I do, how hard I try  
I can't seem to convince myself why  
I'm stuck on the outside

Chorus x2  


After the song ended he felt so depressed that he took out a razor and cut his wrist and blood dripped onto the bed.

"Why do people live anyways?" he asked himself.

He put the razor down and went to put it in his small box and took out a band aid and covered his wrist and went to bed. The next day was Saturday so he had a day to be alone.

"I better take a bath now." He said to himself as he took all the necessary things to the bathroom and took a bath and after that he dressed himself, he wore black jeans, black hoodie and black turtle neck.

"I'm going out." He said.

"Be careful." Nanako said from the kitchen.

'I better go buy a pack.' He though to himself as he walked to the store and looked for a pack and also a magazine about Emo paid for it.

He was just walking along the street when he heard someone call him.

"Echizen, right here." It was Momoshiro.

He just ignored it but his best friend kept calling him and Momo got pissed of and tried to grab Echizen's shirt but backed away when he felt a black auora surrounding him.

"I'm home." he said as he arrived and went to his room to be left alone, when he entered his room he took out his magazine and a stick and lighted it and took a long drag.

A week later Ryoma's always been gloomy which made Oishi and Fuji worried cause he's not himself.

"Sempai-tachi, what will you do if you find out that I smoke?" he asked when everyone was in the clubroom.

"Echizen, we no that you won't smoke." Fuji said.

After they won the nationals Ryoma disappeared without a trace and no one knew where to look for him but then something struck Fuji and went to tell the others to go with him to the cemetery and that's when they saw it, engraved on the stone was their kounhai's name.

"Echizen Ryoma"

Born: Dec 24

Died: Jan 15

When they saw this they were all devastated but of all of them Fuji cried the longest and was deeply hurt and couldn't accept it.

Everyone tried to comfort him but he was still crying over Ryoma's death. He never recovered from his shock.


End file.
